“ Be still
and know that
I am
God . . .”

Psalm 46:10 ( NIV )

Stanley Fish was famous for his book Surprised by Sin , his analysis of Milton's “Paradise Lost.” On the first day of his class he lectured us in nasal bi-tone about how Lucifer's fatal mistake was that he thought I AM instead of realizing that God was the great I AM. Satan's mere assertion of ego was just the start of his trouble, and the start of mine too, most of the time. I can get it, I can fix it, I can make it, I can do it all-by-myself-thank-you-very-much. One time I was juggling my son and a lunch tray and a back pack and who knows what else when a kindly gentleman said to me, “Now I'm sure you can handle this by yourself with no problem, but could I carry that for you..?” How stubborn-willed I must have looked for him to even approach me that way. I was embarrassed, but you know what? I still turned down his help!

The truth is that when I'm in I mode I'm farthest from Him. In contrast, when I can really feel the all-powerful-ness of God, and the inconsequential smallness of myself by comparison, I actually feel much closer to Him. I feel it in nature mostly: standing at a scenic overlook while my eyes trace the glacier-path across the Appalachians; peering over the stern of a boat while the wake cuts a sparkling swath of phosphorous in the moonlit sea; or walking on the hard-caked dirt road, the road to my very own house where my children sleep in health and safety, and feeling the wind in my face, wind that takes my hair back and my arms up in their desire for flight, in the posture of worship, in the posture of a man on a cross. I am a tiny figure against the backdrop of the universe with the very breath of God buffeting me clean, shirring me up, drawing me ever near. Not a word is spoken, but creation around me is the Word, the great I AM, and the creation that is me seeks the Word that became flesh, and finds Jesus. The very personal connection between this awesome God and me is beyond understanding, but so is the peace that comes with it. It is the purest form of worship I know.

TARA HOLDREN